I’ve tried to write my book on my experience in Vietnam twice now. It has been difficult because I’m so used to writing stories in 500 words or less, it’s hard to stay focused.

But I’ve been inspired by Brian Stelter, a NYT reporter I have been following on Twitter/Instagram and the likes, because he just published his first book which has been a big hit and he of course is the same age as me.

Thumper has been reading it and is all like girlfriend, you can do this:

So I’ve started to write again. Taking what I’ve previously written I only have about 20 Word doc pages. I’ve also already Googled “how many Word doc pages equal a book page.”

Here goes nothing.

I’m quite distraught (and intrigued) by the break-up of YouTube’s JennaMarbles and her boyfriend/co-star MaxNoSleeves.

I expressed my sad feelings with Patrick….

Well, that went well.

Here’s the thing about YouTube, Tumblr, Twitter, and any piece of the Internet world that allows you to open a door into your personal life to complete strangers: suddenly they feel invested in you. A part of your world. Along for the journey.

It’s interesting how many bloggers/vloggers/C-list celebrities I follow on these channels and it is as if I’m following a close friend. Like the birth of BOTH of GeorgieGirl‘s babies, or watching Brian Stelter fall in love with his girlfriend and then see him publish his first book.

I hope that my small readership base (my Kappa sisters, my mom) feel just as connected with my daily moments as I do with some other blogs.

Yadayadayada…let’s just end with a touching video of Max and Jenna, one of their most cherished YouTube moments together. I’ll miss you two together.

Me: You know I read an article about what your sneeze says about you.

Patrick: What does my sneeze say about me?

Me: Oh, no, I was reading it for myself. Anyways, since my sneeze is loud..and well, loud…it says that I’m fun and outgoing! Am I outgoing?

Patrick: Uh…no.

Me: Well then what does my sneeze say about me?

Patrick: Your sneezes are scary. They scare me.

It is true, I’m a very loud sneezer. Allergies, you can depart now!

This weekend we had a 30th birthday party for Patrick, and since he doesn’t like to make a big deal of anything I wanted to be sure this party was special and all about him. So I ordered some BBQ from a local Belmar restaurant, invited his family and some of his close friends, and then topped it off with a fish-themed cake.

Except that the bakery didn’t understand what a striped bass was…at all.

“My fiance is a surfcaster, so I was thinking of a scene of him fishing on the cake.” -Me

“Okay! We have this fun cake of a man fishing of a boat!” -15 year old bakery employee

“No, see he’s a SURFCASTER so that means from the beach. Boat fishing is different.”

“How about this one of the beach? We have palm trees and crabs lining the cake!”

“The only palm trees in NJ are in Long Branch and were put there for the rich condo owners, so I’m going to say no.”

“Okay so how about just a cake of a fish?”

“That’s fine. Here are some photos of a striped bass to work off of. It’s really important it looks like this and not a trout or a fluke, but just like this one.”

Example:

“Great! We can totally do that.” – young bakery employee who was way too thin to work in a bakery and thus should NOT be trusted.

I picked up that cake the day o f the party and this is what I got:

APPARENTLY WE INVENT FISH NOW.

I have no idea what fish that is. Luckily, 99% of the party had no idea, but I did break it to Patrick before everyone showed up at the house because I was so sad. He was hysterically laughing and gave me a big hug as I whined, “I’M SO SORRY FOR YOUR FISH CAKE FAIL.” 

My date night with Patrick ended abruptly due to me crawling in bed with a migraine around 9pm, so now it is 5:30am and I have been up for two hours, although luckily  now migraine-free.

I fell asleep with my phone next to me, crawling through my Twitter and Facebook feeds with updates on the manhunt in Boston that ended. I chuckled at the photo that was quickly created and being socially shared, “if you’re going to escape in a boat, make sure it is in water and not in Watertown.” Photos of Bostonions rejoicing in the streets, and the photo of the last suspect pinned to the ground by police.

Driving to work today this morning after watching the news with Patrick on the manhunt, I thought about all the violent events I have witnessed throughout my 27 years so far. In middle school we were taught how to hide under desks and stay quiet in case of a school shooting after Columbine took place. I was so anxious on whether or not I could remember what exactly it meant if the Principal announced over the loudspeaker “Code Orange” or “Code Red.” I learned at the age of 13 to look for escape routes and would question what I would do if a gunman held a gun to my head, asking if I believes in God.

Fast forward to high school where my sister and I drove along the beachfront on September 11th and could see the smoke from Manhattan. As the war began with terrorists after 9/11, teachers turned on the TV in the cafeteria and let us watch bombings overseas with many of us cheering at our tables. I’m not sure if we exactly knew what we were cheering for, but we felt a part of something.

Then there were the sniper attacks in D.C. that locked down a whole city, along with continuous coverage of the war effort and seeing many classmates eagerly sign up to join. A shooter took an Amish elementary school hostage and tortured and killed many innocent children. Virginia Tech happened when I was a junior in college and interning at NBC.  I remember a mass email being sent out to NBC employees asking if anyone could speak Korean and if so their assistance was needed immediately. Later that day, NBC announced they received a package from the Virginia Tech shooter.

When I graduated and started working in Times Square, there were multiple threats to the area and I rode the subway with those who wore doctor’s masks in fear of anthrax. The building practiced multiple drills throughout my time there on how to escape to Bryant Park if there was an issue. Bryant Park seemed like a long ways away to get to in that situation, in my opinion.

Then there’s the movie theatre in Colorado, ex-cop Chris Dorner, the Newtown elementary school, and now the Boston marathon bombings.

That seems like a lot to be a bystander of within a short period of time. The videos, photos, eyewitness accounts are a lot to digest. As Amy Poehler said, “don’t you think our eyes need a rest?”.

I told Patrick earlier tonight that I have planned my escape routes as well as hiding places for both our home and for my office. He smirked a bit when I eagerly told him this, but I said, “wouldn’t you want to be prepared just in case?”.

As I write this, I have on every light in the house (except where Patrick is sleeping) because that is my routine. It hasn’t been routine because of Boston, I’ve been doing that since I was old enough to be left home alone.

I don’t want to think, “how can I bring children into this world?” because each generation has its own tragedies, and these are our generation’s issues at this time. Instead, I think more about the habits I create in terms of turning lights on, looking over my shoulder, and being very aware of how vulnerable I am in public places. And then that leads me to wondering if I’ll teach my children the same habits.

Check your backseat before you get into the car.

Turn on the lights as soon as you walk into the house.

Know your escape routes.

Don’t trust anyone.

I’m not sure what will happen, or how these events change us as a society as a whole. People often ask me about Vietnam or SE Asia in generally in terms of being scared since the military walks around with machine guns and drives tanks up and down the streets. But are we really far off from that?

I guess that’s the end of my late night thoughts. My sleepytime tea is kicking in, so I’m going to crawl back into bed next to my fiance and hide from the rising sun.

“Did you ever see the movie “Big Fish”?” -me

“No who’s in it?” -Patrick

“The guy from “Moulin Rouge.”"

“Terrible reference. No. Did you expect me to say ‘oh I saw Moulin Rouge!”

What-ev-er.

So that guy is Ewan McGregor . The reason why I was asking Patrick who is a huge Debbie Down is because Big Fish is coming to Broadway! Yay- someone take me!

During the Oscars I vaguely remember seeing Pantene asking for Twitter followers to tweet at them with their favorite celebrity hairstyles, using their hashtag #IwantThatHair.

A month later after participating in the hashtag, Pantene sent me this INSANE box of free products, a curling iron, and even 2 gift cards!

I already started using the styling balm (good-bye, messy bangs) and the hairspray will get some serious testing during a wedding this weekend. Of course I Facebooked/Tweeted/Instagram’d the heck out of it, too!

I know you’re impressed with my product display abilities. Skill.

Thanks Pantene!  You’re awesome!