Christine Rochelle

My nearly 10 year old rabbit and I don’t get along very well. Maybe because recently I tried to sell him, or maybe because I tell the whole world about his sexual frustrations, or it could be as simple as the fact that he hates wearing hats (here and here). Either way, it isn’t uncommon for me to tell people that while sometimes he looks kinda sorta adorable to me, as soon as he kicks the bucket I’m going to see it as my opportunity to finally own a dog.

Harsh? Maybe. But he’s kinda a jerk and lives like a king so don’t feel bad for him.

The other night as Patrick was editing videos for a client and I was writing my final graduate school paper, I noticed something was “off” about Thumper. He’s normally very energetic when we’re in the room, jumping around our feet, nudging our ankles, and just generally begging for food. But instead he was in his cage, not facing us at all.

In addition to his cold shoulder, he kept trying to lay down and would fall over as if he was drunk and lost function of his back legs. I started to get really upset and asked Patrick if he thought Thumper looked pale (seriously he did, if it is possible for animals with fur to look pale) and if we were going to sit here and just watch our bunny boy die!

Patrick knelt down and tried to pet Thumper. Normally if you try to do this for a long period of time without a treat (AKA 10 seconds) he will move away from your hands. But he stayed with Patrick and let us even touch his face, his back legs…these are definitely “not OK” zones for him.

I was really hesitant to touch him despite Patrick’s not-so-comforting plea of, “PET HIM, THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME YOU DO.” I texted photos of him to my mom, my sister, and even to Twitter! I felt shameful that I wouldn’t rush him to the animal hospital because he’s old and he’s a bunny and really how much would that cost?!

We decided to leave him be and stop crowding his space. A few minutes later I smelled something terrible.

“Oh God, do you smell that? Did Thumper just take a dump?” I said to Patrick.

And I looked at the cage and he was back to his normal, energetic self, eating the treats he had previously refused.

Apparently he just had gas. And received way too much attention for it.

You win this round, Thumper. Well played, furry friend, well played.

"I have deathly long nails because I won't let anyone touch me. I'm also just a jerk."