ALL The Snacks.


It has come to our attention in the office that we snack more than the average human being.

Here is a typical day in the office:

8am: Arrive at work. Turn on computer and then immediately make breakfast.

8:15am: Done with breakfast.

9:30am: Hungry again and instantly regret breakfast choice.

10:30am: Eat a snack.

11am: Ask everyone what they’re doing for lunch.

12pm: Urgently ask everyone what they’re doing for lunch.

12:30pm: Make lunch.

1pm: Done with lunch.

2:30pm: Eat a snack.

2:45pm: Eat a snack. Swear I won’t eat anything again until dinner.

3:30pm: Eat a snack.

4:30pm: Starving again. Eat a snack.

5pm: Leave work and try to figure out what I’m eating for dinner.

It’s safe to say I have a problem.

4 Years Ago

Just 4 years ago this week, I met Patrick at a restaurant for our first date. It was snowing and I got out of my car and almost fell on the ice. I didn’t think he saw me. He did.

Then we sat over drinks and talked. Well, I mostly talked. I thought he was so handsome and I was so nervous I felt like my face was red hot the entire date. I also completely lost all sense of how to order an alcoholic drink and got a Skinny Girl Martini or something and wanted to vomit in my mouth the whole time.

Ah, love.

Happy 4 years of bliss to the love of my life!

Bye Bye Birdie

Last night, a co-worker and I went to Prohibition in Asbury Park for a “Painting Party.” Similar to my bachelorette party, they teach you how to paint a specific scene and you drink wine to forget how terrible you are at arts and crafts.

Here was my (near) final work of art:

After I took this photo, I made the biggest rookie mistake of painting. I sat, stared at my art, and thought, “I think it could use something else.” Mostly because I didn’t want to pay another $8 for another glass of wine and thought I’d pass the time with some more painting.

With a swoosh of the paint brush I made a Kindergarten-style flying V-shaped bird. It was literally as giant as my moon. Feeling immediate regret, I shot up my hand looking for one of the assistants, pleading, “need help, need help, need help…”

One of them came over and asked me what was wrong.

“I have a bird that can’t be here,” I said.

“Okay! So you have a bird that you want to kill. That happens often so let me take a look,” she responded.

She took a deep breath and I thought that she was likely thinking about how to shade it better or re-shape it. There had to be some artistic trick to this.

“So let’s just mix some blue paint and paint over,” she finally said.

“Just paint over it? Like that?”

“Yes. I would try two coats.”

So that was that. I just painted over it. I tried to blend everything in but it just looked like a big fat brown bird that was fading into a blotchy, blue sky.

I showed Patrick when I got home and he said, ever so sweetly, “you know, whenever they find pieces of a famous painting that were painted over, it’s always an amazing discovery.”